Assurance
by gimmetheheadcanons
Summary: The bigger she got, the smaller and more scared she would feel. [An Iris centric fic and request. First posted on Ao3 under theunapologeticnarrative]


_**A/N: See end for actual Author's Notes**_

 _ **Assurance**_

 **-day1-**

Iris West-Allen believed in the impossible and not just because of the impossible world she lived in.

Cosmic treadmills blurring the past present, and future; caped beings from different worlds with promises of salvation; ordinary people twisted by greed until they became more monster than man – despite each day's headline being more and more fantastical or more and more terrible than the previous, Iris West-Allen only dealt in the truth.

Impossible things happened each day but Central City would _always_ have a protector.

 _Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash!_

Loud chants, carrying him through each trial.

 _Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash!_

Loud cheers, celebrating each success.

And together with two million other people Iris believed _in him._

She would be there in the middle of it all, almost impossible to see yet beaming because she knew he did anyway. She didn't need a high five or selfie from the scarlet speedster or that exclusive Jimmy Olsen front-page portrait to be in awe of him. She believed in her husband unconditionally. Her brave beautiful Barry and his ever-resilient smile; death, destruction and infinite doomsdays – come what may – they would face it together.

 _Back in a flash_ he would joke – but Barry Allen always did come back.

Except – it didn't feel like a flash today.

Iris was on the edge of her seat in a studio too far away from the man she loved; safe but ultimately helpless, fighting back her tears the way he fought powerful beings from other worlds.

 _Come home_ , she prayed whilst staring into a monitor to continue telling an audience of millions a tale of heroes and villains with an ending impossible to predict.

It was the story of her life, something she couldn't report but had to live through on her own.

 _Come home,_ she demanded as the cameras switched off and they evacuated a building that shook thunderously with each impact from the destroyer that dared to dance with a man made out of steel and another out of pure lightening. Disaster was now on their doorstep and Iris resisted the urge to run towards it and Barry.

But Iris couldn't because she had to stay safe. Not because Barry begged her each day but because this morning, she received some impossible to believe in news of her own. Hand on her still flat belly, shielding a precious gift from the man she loved, Iris tried harder than two million people combined to believe the hero they called the Flash would once again save the day and that Barry Allen would come home to hear the incredible news of how he was going to be a father.

 **-day147-**

"Those are our babies."

Iris blinked back tears as she looked upon the grainy picture in her hand with absolute wonderment.

"They really are."

She heard her husband whisper beside her, his cheek now pressed against hers to take another quick glance at the sonogram she selfishly could not part with.

"Both of them." Iris said unable to tell where in the murky grey of one baby ended and the other began. They were made of each other just as much as they were made of her and Barry.

Barry rubbed his hands together, his face glowing with excitement. "Not long to go till we get to meet them!"

Iris watched her husband walk ahead of her towards her car. He had an eager skip in his step as if the midwife had just told him the babies would be in there, waiting for him in a hospital parking lot. In a slow waddle she was still trying to get used to, Iris began to follow, her hand resting comfortably on the bump in which the twins safely slept.

When she met him at the door Barry looked into her eyes and whispered, "I love you," then pulled her into a tight embrace. Iris had hoped she would melt into him as she so often did but today she just felt cold - left out of the hug going on inside of her and now unable to feel Barry's heat.

Stiff and sad she let him hold her until he realized she wasn't holding him back.

"Hey what's up?"

Iris looked into the gentle green eyes trying to tear a confession out of her burdened chest. Her huge stomach tried to fill the space between them. "You okay Iris?"

She let the truth escape her lips and prepared herself to watch the happy smile on his face shatter. "No."

"Barry I can't do this."

But his smile was just as resilient as always, continuing to shine with brilliant confidence. "Sure you can," He said simply, "we both can."

Iris wanted to scream but instead she spoke in a frustrated whisper. "Not both of us. _Me_."

"I won't do this alone." She said firmly, fighting back another wave of nausea as she held Barry's gaze.

"Hey, you're not alone. Why would you even say that?" His mask was beginning to slip, and Iris could sense a real fear coming from her usually fearless husband.

"Because it's the truth Barry!" Iris said, crying now. _Good_ she thought desperately, _be scared_. She pushed the sonogram into Barry's chest angrily before looking away to deliver the final blow. "I know you hate hearing it, but it is the truth."

Barry calmly took hold of the crumpled-up picture, gently ironing out the creases before slipping it into his pocket. Iris's wet eyes were on the ring on her husband's hand. Not the simple gold one promising his life to her but the one somehow incredibly containing that red super suit with the lightening emblem that warned her his promises were not a guarantee.

Barry looked back at her with a painful look in his eyes. "Iris, I always come back." He promised her yet again without truly knowing how many times she threw up over these past few months since discovering her pregnancy. Iris cursed her condition, not her beautiful babies but the state she was in; weak and afraid, unable to stomach jerk chicken or the time she spent apart from Barry.

"And if you don't?" She asked without really wanting to hear the answer.

"You've always believed that I would." Barry whispered, cupping her face with his strong hands, and kissing her on her forehead. "It's why I always do, Iris."

Barry Allen was the Flash, but for the first time since finding out – Iris didn't see them as one and the same.

The Flash wasn't her husband – he was Central City's hero.

And a few weeks ago, at the annual Flash Day celebrations, standing bitterly apart from a crowd chanting his name, Iris West-Allen wondered if any of these faceless people would grieve Barry Allen as deeply as she would one day. Exposed and small, Iris had hugged herself, trying to protect the babies she held inside of her from a world where their father was just a giant bronze lightening shaped memorial.

"I need you to trust me." She could hear Barry beg her now, the emotion in his voice doing little to chase away that terrible image of her having to raise their children alone. It was an image that kept her awake each night, caused her chest to tighten and her world to spin.

Her marriage to the Flash had become three parts fear and one part resentment.

"I'm just so tired." She choked letting her tears fall freely onto skin. "I can't sleep and breathe without feeling afraid. I don't think there has been a moment where I didn't feel this way since I took that stupid test on my own."

Iris let out an ugly laugh. "It was supposed to be a surprise, but I guess so was Darkseid's army."

Barry was smiling again, glad to see despite it all her sense of humor was still intact. Iris could feel him regain his confidence before pulling her once more into his arms. "I wasn't on my own that day." He whispered into her ear. "I had the rest of the League. I had you Iris."

Iris let herself be comforted, let the warmth of his embrace finally reach deep inside her fearful heart. She let Barry's hands caress the entire length of her tense back until she could feel months of built up anxiety gradually lessen. No longer sick with worry but calm and drowsy with a deep desire to finally rest, Iris slowly emerged from the hug changed.

This will do until the next time, Iris reminded herself whilst trying desperately not to feel too greedy and ask for more – for one day, her insecurities whispered, she'd have to make do with just the memory of Barry's embrace.

"You okay?" Barry asked her once more and Iris hesitated before answering with a small nod.

Sensing her desire to reassure him, Barry shook his head. He wasn't afraid of the ugliness she hid inside her, the pain and panic. Iris could tell her husband knew the woman standing before him didn't have the strength of the woman he married – but he loved her anyway.

"We'll work on it. Together." He promised, and she found within her at least one thing of the old Iris she could cling onto – her unfaltering faith in Barry Allen.

"You gotta stop being on your own in this. I should have made it clearer that I'm here and I always will be."

"I didn't mean to shut you out." Iris said feeling shame at seeing Barry's guilty expression and fearing her act for these last few months was so convincing that Barry would have reason to doubt her words now.

"You didn't." Her husband said taking her hand into his own. "You needed help and you needed some time to figure that out."

Iris nodded again and more convincingly this time, letting Barry continue to chase away those excruciating doubts that were beginning to finally surface.

"So let's go back in there and get you some help Iris."

Nervous, Iris West-Allen let Barry Allen lead her back towards the hospital. Her husband, the hero, was unafraid to admit he needed help to help her and that thought somehow made Iris feel brave enough to acknowledge her own weakness. She wasn't okay, but it wasn't beyond the realm of possibility that one day soon, with the right help she would be. She would sleep soundly that night and dream about waking up strong enough to be able to greet her babies with that fearless beautiful smile the Flash promised to always come back home to.

 **-day280-**

"Barry, it's happening they're comi – "

She didn't need to finish her sentence to the man on the other side of the line for he was in their living room in an instant.

"I'm here."

A painful spasm accompanied by a fear filled scream, Iris looked upon the Flash with helpless eyes. When his strong hands were done steadying her, they lifted that crimson mask to reveal her Barry underneath it – looking back at her with loving eyes and a plan to make everything okay.

"I'm here Iris." He said again smiling warmly. "You just breathe because I got this."

And so she did just that. Breathe between each scream and breathe all the way to the hospital. Breathe between the pushes until she was out of breath and almost out cold. Then, holding her breath together with Barry until they heard baby Dawn take her first one followed by Don taking his.

They were finally here, and Iris prayed Barry would never leave them.

 **-day1-**

Iris couldn't remember how she and Barry got to this moment.

There they were, in the back of her father's car, with Don and Dawn in their arms and ready to go home.

"I'm really struggling here kids." Joe West yelled back only to receive an angry hush from his daughter.

"Dawn's asleep Dad."

In the mirror, Joe flashed her an apologetic smile before whispering, "Sorry baby". He did this twice, once for his baby and once for his baby's baby.

Iris let herself laugh out loud. It was a sound she was beginning to fall in love with ever since the twins' uncomplicated births. Glancing at her husband who sat next to her holding a still sleeping Dawn, Iris let herself imagine her daughter making that exact same sound someday and Barry falling in love too.

In her arms, Don was trying to get her attention with disoriented gurgles after having woken a few minutes ago.

"Hello." Iris whispered, stroking the soft brown skin on his small face. He was tiny, so much smaller than his sister but Iris wasn't worried about him for he had Barry's eyes, not in color but in strength and spirit.

"What you struggling with Joe?" Barry asked as he joined his wife in smiling at their adorable son.

"Just sitting here, behind this damn wheel unable to get to my grandbabies." Joe chuckled. "Nearly home now."

"Yeah," Iris said, leaning to kiss her husband on his cheek just to remind herself that he was there and Iris could.

"How you feeling?" Barry asked his wife quietly for the tenth time since this morning when Dr. Davidson told Iris she was ready to go home. "You didn't sleep much last night, maybe it's too soon for this?"

"I'm fine Bear." Iris said insisting once again she was ready to be with her whole family. "I just couldn't resist staying up to stare at our beautiful babies."

"They'll still be ours and just as beautiful in the morning. Just make sure you don't tire yourself out."

Iris laughed and again she was surprised by how strange it was hearing this sound that had abandoned her for weeks. Judging by the look of relief on Barry's face, Iris knew her husband had missed it too. It was an odd feeling being on the other side of a nightmare where after months, Iris finally woke up in her own body.

"Jeez, how many Flash monuments does this city need?" Barry said with an embarrassed look on his face as they drove past a half completed mural. "I mean it's nice and all but I'm sure not even the big man in Metropolis gets this amount of love."

Iris joined her husband in staring at the bright splashes of red and gold across the side of a dark gray building and slowly smiled at what was a great source of anxiety and pain but now once again filled her with a sense of hope and intense belief. With tears in her eyes, Iris West-Allen gazed upon the small face blinking back at her.

"Can't have too much hope Bear." She said finally feeling more than okay and completely certain that nothing in this world or any other would ever stop the Flash from coming home to this.

 **Author's Notes**

This was originally posted on Ao3. I was asked by an anon to write a fic about Barry and Iris bringing home the tornado twins from the hospital. I think what they were after was a fluffy cute WestAllen family piece (which I hopefully did deliver with the last bit) but I wanted to make it a little more serious because I know depression in pregnancy is something we don't really talk about. This wasn't really a PSA but I guess I wanted to get across this version of Iris West, a young woman facing the pressure of pregnancy and childbirth in a world where her husband is constantly putting himself in danger. I couldn't bring myself to write a particularly long piece but I hope you all enjoyed it anyway.


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